Sunday, December 31, 2000

Well, I rode today, and it went pretty well! Even if I dont get in, I feel a lot better about this year's ride. I got so incredibly lucky and got a wonderful horse to ride. That made all the nerves melt away! I was so worried that I would get really nervous and not be able to think, but thankfully, it all came naturally once my foot hit the stirrup! He just had me walk a few laps around the arena, then trot, then lope, then lope a small circle around him, then run and come to a quick stop.. and back up, and that was about all! It felt great to be on a horse again, and although I know I was far from perfect, I felt good about my ride. Now we'll just see if it gets me anywhere.

I cant believe that tomorrow is the last day of work. Its insane... its snuck up so quickly. Im going to really miss a lot of people.. its going to be strange at first. What am I gonna do for 2 months? Well, I can tell you the first thing im going to do- RELAX! Im going to rent a bunch of movies and just lay around and enjoy freedom. Then I'll clean my room, and run all the errands I've been having to put off...(A MILLION apologies to my secret santa!).. Then I guess ill wait for the snow to melt enough for me to go ride my horse! And im sure ill spend a lot of time on The DIS, but I allready do that.

Saturday, December 30, 2000

So im really just posting to kill time while I finish my downloads on napster...

I am ever-so-amused by these cool painting things at Storypeople. I've just been sitting here browsing through them for the longest time.

Work was so normal today, its hard to believe we only have two more days, and then we dont see each other for three months, and for some of us, never again. Its going to take a while to get used to the change.. but its a much-needed break.

Thursday, December 28, 2000

Well, I met "the competition" today- the other three girls trying out for the show this year. Well, I didnt really meet one of them, but I saw her. The one I didnt really talk to has really short blonde hair.. she seemed nice. Im not sure if they can put her in with her hair that short though. Another works at dixie now, and she seemed sort of stuck on herself- not really someone I'd want to work with. The third one, in my opinion, is the best bet on getting in the show. She was nice, friendly, had the personality, and from what I hear, she could ride decently. I genuinely hope she gets in...unless of course there is only one spot open.. then she can hit the road :D

I have to ride for the production manager either tomorrow or Saturday, and of course, they will give me one of the worst horses to ride. Oh, joy. Im not going to worry though- im going to be brave. Im a good rider, and there's nothing I can do to improve in 24 hours, so why worry? And if you believe im really not nervous, I have some ocean front property in arizona you may be interrested in....

I only met one of the guys, but I saw the rest. Hooray for cowboys ;) I wish I could have seen everyone ride.

Okay, enough about auditions and the show. Well, actually back to the show.. only 4 more shows until the end of the year!!

Wednesday, December 27, 2000

Its odd, how sometimes we're too close to see things happening right under our noses. Things change around us every day, and yet because we're so close to them, we just dont notice until we somehow step back from the picture, and it becomes clear, almost like an impressionistic painting.

Just read something I can totally identify with in laura's journal...

"do you know the feeling when you are tired of being strong, of being independent, of denying what you want, of saying "it's okay" when it isn't? there are moments when i am overwhelmed by the want just to find myself in somebody's arms and to feel...
whole."



Have you ever come across something that you've written, and not believed the words came from you? I found some poems in my dresser while cleaning my room yesterday, and I dont have any recollection of writing them, but I was just amazed by them. I can also read back through my old journals, and its odd how I dont even remember having these thoughts. I suppose thats why I like to write them down, so I can look back a year from now and remember how I was feeling on a chilly December night.

I hate being out of film. I take sooo many pictures lately, its like an addiction. I'm going to miss being able to develop my own pictures at work, the whole process will seem sort of incomplete if I dont.

Tuesday, December 26, 2000

WHY did Blogger just do that to me? I just wrote a huge, long entry, and pushed publish, and its gone! Where did it go!?

Tuesday, November 21, 2000

Well, its 7:45 am, and I've allready had quite a day!

I had my alarm set for 8:30, but woke up at 6:40!! That is NOT usual for me at all! I tried to go back to sleep, but 2 Kenny Chesney songs later (his CD plays while I sleep), I decided it just wasnt going to happen, and got up. I had my dad go out and warm up my car for me- this cold air *hurts* my little lungs, and im not wanting bronchitis again, so im trying to be careful!

Pulling out of my driveway, I looked left..nothing..looked right..nothing. *NO* traffic. Nice surprise! About four whole minutes later, I pull into the Wal-Mart parking lot and score the very front parking spot. Big plus! Tightly wrapped up in my big green coat the size of Rhode Island, I scurry the few yards to the door, and see my favorite greeter guy, another plus! I get a cart, walk a few feet, and run smack dab (Um, literally, its 7am remember..) into a BIG Backstreet Boys CD Display. Yes, the new CD is out today. Really, I'm not at Wal-Mart at 7-am just to get this CD....*REALLY... I mean it!!... ::glances around guiltily:: I need mascara too! SO ha! Anyway, after my nice head-on collision with the display (No injuries to any major pop stars- thank goodness) I decieded I might as well pick up one of those nice little Black and Blue CD's. Mission Accomplished. So, as anyone knows, its the Law that you cant just go into wal-mart and leave.. you have to wander. So I browsed around, and noticed gloves- I need some! Two pairs for $1.50? Even I can afford that! Another big plus! Then I came across a candy bar display and picked up a Hershey's Cookies and Cream that I'm eating as I type-- Breakfast of Champions!! The whole time I was shopping, I was surprised at how friendly all the Wal-Mart people are in the morning. They're usually grumpy in the evening! Every employee I crossed said good morning, made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Well, I got to the checkout, and pulled out my poor little Visa. I cant believe I spent almost $40! Thats when I realized that I should NOT shop before noon. Looking back, I even almost bought a new fish tank. My mind doesnt understand budget that early! I did get one wonderful thing- a package of Christmas cards with CAMELS on them! I've been looking for some camel Christmas cards for AGES now! (since, say, last November!) I was very happy.

I resisted the temptation to get that new fishtank, as nice as it was. They had some cute goldfish that I passed on, too. Arent you proud? I'm running out of space for fish in this tiny little room. I've got my big aquarium with my shark and suckerfish, the little one with my goldfish, and the tiny bowl with my Betta. I guess I could easily stick more fish in the big tank (2 fish in a 10-gallon tank IS kind of a waist!), but I've had those fish for about 6 years and dont want to kill them now! And my poor little goldfish has had so many health issues I dont want to kill him either. Yes, I have feelings for my fish, sad, huh? And what is even sadder is that I'm sitting here WRITING about my fish. WHY? Its 8am.. thats why!

I really do kind of like this being up early thing though. I've gotten a lot done in the past hour, now I just need coffee. I wonder what I will get done before work? Hummm...

Monday, November 20, 2000

November 19, 2000

Yes, I've moved off AOL. Access old entries here.

I'm so desperate for change right now.  I feel like I've been stuck in a rut- the same life day in and day out.  I've got this desire just to GO somewhere, and to DO something.  And yet I sit back and wonder- Go where and do what?  How?  Its a bittersweet freedom.  I feel like that in some friendships right now too.  There are people I want to be closer to, and others that I question my investment of time in.

Maybe I just need to start looking for something new.  I read a quote I had forgotten today- "Dont say you dont have enough time.  You have exactly the same number of hours in a day that were given to Hellen Keller, Pasteur, Michelangelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo DaVinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein."  That inspired me to get out and DO something.  The question is, what do I want to do?
I found that in "Life's Little Instruction Book"- a book I forgot I even owned.  Some other great things from that book...
*Be brave- even if you're not, pretend to be.  No one can tell the difference.
* Learn to listen.  Opportunity sometimes knocks very softly.
*When someone is relating an important event that's happened to them, dont try to top them with a story of your own.  Let them have the stage.
*Never deprive someone of hope.  It may be all they have.
*Never criticize the person who signs your paycheck.  If you are unhappy with your job, resign.
* Show respect for all living things
*Loosen up. Relax.  Except for rare life-and-death matters, nothing is as important as it first seems.
*Be modest.  A lot was accomplished before you were born.
*Live your life as an exclamation, not an explanation.
*Be bold and courageous.  When you look back on your life, you'll regret the things you didnt do more than the things you did.
*Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them.
*Show respect for everyone who works for a living, no matter how trivial their job is.

I need to organize my time more.  I wait and wait for a day off, and then when I get one, I just hang out and be lazy.  I guess thats the theory behind having 2 days off- one to be lazy and one to get things done.  I wish it were warm enough that I could go ride without needing 67 layers of clothing.  I wish I could go jog in the park.  Someone remind me this when the weather is nice, okay?  I need to study more.  I've been doing SOME work every day, but it could be a LOT more.  I was so excited to figure out that im almost through this damn anatomy and physiology book, until I saw that next month, I get Anat. & Phys Volume 2.  Damn.