Tuesday, February 20, 2001

l learned a lot about the Joy of Bus Travel on my way to and from Chicago. The main thing I learned... Flying is a great thing! My trip was about 12 hours each way.. 12 hours on a bus with minimal legroom (im a tall girl!) with people (loud..um, interresting people!) that I dont know. Lovely. However, it did have its interresting notes, which I figured I'd share with you. Without a doubt, the standout of the trip was Snoring Man. From St. Louis to Chicago, I didnt get to sit with my mom because the bus was so crowded, so mom sat in the seat across from me. However, the most interresting person was behind me. We shall call him Snoring Man. This man snored louder than any snorer I have ever heard. Hell, he snored louder than any freight train I have ever heard! As if that werent annoying enough (keep in mind it was between 2 and 5 am.. we wanted SLEEP!), his snores were intermittanty interrupted by these high-pitched hiccup-type of noises. That made it amusing, but still annoying and sleep depriving. And then, about a half hour later, between the snoring and hiccuping, he would momentarily stop snoring long enough to mumble something in spanish. It was great! Finally, the lady next to mom started threatening to throw ketchup packets at him (we had made a McDonalds stop earlier, so condiments were plentiful). That caused giggles all around. Finally she got up and poked him (woohoo!) and said "Sorry, but are you okay?" He went back to sleep, but with only minimal snoring, and I named her My Hero. There was much rejoicing.

Well, of course, on the way back, I needed entertainment, and so the woman sitting behind me gladly stepped up to the job. She was nice, but VERY vocal about everythign! The whole bus knew she was hungry (even AFTER I gave her half my box of wheat thins- the indignity!) and hot (It WAS hella hot in there) but the funniest part was when she would have conversations with her friend about 4 rows in front of her. My favorite part was when her friend said something, and then in refrence to the singing toddler behind us, the lady said "I dont know WHAT you taklin 'bout, girl, I got LIVE entertainment back here! Sing it baby!" to which her friend replied "Oooh, we got the next Michael Jackson back there!:" Needless to say, I have now incorperated "Sing it Baby!" into my everyday vernacular! As if all of this, and talking to the guy behind me wasnt enough entertainment, one of my bus drivers was also quite a commedian. "Hi, my name is Bus Driver, and ill be your bus driver today!" and of course "Please accompany small children to the rest room, because they could get locked in there, and I dont have my key with me, so they will be the property of the Tidy Bowl man for the rest of the trip! And, I got to drive past amusing billboards and shops. One advertised a store called the Hemporium. Im not even going to ask!
I finally spent the last hour of the ride watching the windshield wipers dance across the windshield in their rythmic motions. They didnt really move in sync at all.. (pardon the boyband-sounding word usage) but they did have a certain pattern to them.. I suppose it was just amusing because it was almost 6am and I had only had an hour of sleep.

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