Wednesday, March 21, 2001

Going through some old papers tonight, I found college amission letters. I probably am the owner of about a billion sheets of paper who all start with "Congratulations on being accepted to..." or "We are proud to award you a scholarship of..." and so on. It hit me suddenly, that if the Western Equestrian Program at University of Findlay hadnt been full when I finally decided to go there, I would now be in my fourth semester there. I would be living in Ohio, doing Ohio things. I would probably be a much, much better rider than I am now. But, I wouldn't have the past two year's worth of memories, which have been two of the best years of my life. I wouldnt have Emmett. How could I possibly be alive without my sweet horse? I cant imagine having some other horse. Wow. I wouldn't know any of the people I have met at Dixie. I probably wouldnt have this desire to be a trick rider, and not even know what roman riding was. I wouldn't know Tiffany. I wouldn't have these great scars on my arm from the most memorable trail ride of my life. I would have never printed a roll of film. I wouldn't know Carrie. I would have no idea what color developer was, let alone how to mix it for a printer. I would have never danced barbecue. The words "Kick up your feet, dance to the music" would not make me start dancing without thinking about it. I wouldn't know Kenny. Oh my gosh, I would probably never have jumped on horseback. Therefore, I wouldn't have that great story about the time I fell when Emmett was learning to jump. I wouldn't remember the time the goat threatened suicide during the nativity scene at work. I wouldnt laugh at the memory of Carrie falling into the wall while trying to be cool. I would never have worn reindeer antlers. Right now, I would be enrolled in classes called Basic Colt Training 2, and Physiology of Equine Reproduction. I wouldn't be going to a Kenny Chesney concert next month. I might not even know who Kenny Chesney was. Would I know who I was? Would I be at all like I am today? Too bad I can't have a Christmas Carol-like moment and see what I would be like. What if the me that would have been could meet the me that is? What would this me think of that me? And vice versa? Oh, now my brain is lost in what might have been, and for the first time, really taking in what is.

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