Sunday, April 07, 2002

I feel so restless today. Its one of those cold rainy evenings, where all I would normally want to do is curl up in bed and read, especially since I got "Little Altars Everywhere" in the mail yesterday, and I cant wait to read more of it. For some reason though, I'm restless and keep bouncing between things, thinking I'll stumble upon what I'm looking for. I come online, decide I'd rather be reading so I lay down to read, decide I'd rather watch TV so I do that, decide I'd rather be online, and the cycle continues. I've been doing this continuously for about four hours now. I know where I really want to be. I want to be curled up on that leather sofa by the fireplace in the little sitting area on the fourth floor of the Wilderness Lodge. I'd be stretched out on the sofa, sitting so that if I glance up from my book, that big busy lobby is right before me, below me, above me, around me. I want to be there in my own quiet little corner of paradise, while families rush by just below off to this lunch reservation or that park, or coming back to their rooms tired and sunburned and worn out in the best way possible. I want to be laying there with a good book, and a brownie from the fast food place, just letting all of my senses soak up every last bit of the music, the voices, the warmth of the fire, the light filtering in through the small square windows behind me, or the huge window overlooking bay lake that lies across the lobby. I want my feet to be tired and my spirit refreshed, instead of the other way around which tends to be the case these days.

I am still yet to decide if the planning or the reminicing is the best part, although its hard to distinguish because they tend to be one in the same. Believe it or not, actually being on vacation is not a contender for the "best part". Usually at the time I dont really let it all soak in- I'm so overstimulated that it takes far more to catch my eye than usual, but some back corner of my brain stores away the little things for later, such as when I'm alone at work on a rainy Sunday morning, and I recall all of those tiny details, the sights and sounds and smells that just flew by me before are now so vivid, and I want to be there to live them so much. I feel like my mind is a video camera that is constantly taping the experience while I'm living it, and then at the slightest provocation, it plays back the tape, and all the details I overlooked at the time are right ther. I have to wonder though, how many I am just filling in. Were the seats in that theater really red, for example, or is my brain just completing the faded picture?

I'm planning for a really good, long trip in November now. Six months is a long time, but I'm as yet undecided as to how good that is for planning. Its usually how long I spend planning a trip, so its probably just about perfect. I know, however, that on the night before, I will be kicking myself for not planning more, and feeling that there are so many loose ends and not enough time. Maybe I can actually avoid that this time. Maybe I dont want to. Maybe I dont know much afterall.

I know the majority of you can't relate to how obsessive I am about planning Disney trips, I think you have to be one of the obsessed people to understand the obsession. That's why I had so much fun with Nate & the Cru-crew in December- I was surrounded by people that were as crazy about what we were doing as I was, for once I didn't have to be the walking guide book because we all were. If I were to say "Hey, lets have lunch at Boma", I wouldn't have to explain, and I'd get their honest opinions immediatly. But more than anything, I think I had so much fun because of the enthusiasm. They were all just as excited about the little things as I was. We would have shown as much enthusiasm for finding $500 laying on the sidewalk as we did because we got the purple monorail (our favorite!) (And okay, maybe not *quite* as much, because $500 can buy a hell of a lot of Kungalooshes..) I really need to finish my trip report soon, and Nate needs to finish his, and I need to upload all my pix and write captions and such... why do we do it all? I think its half to share all the fun we had with others, maybe a quiet attempt to suck them into our little world so they can have as much fun as we do, or maybe its just organizing the memories. Getting to relive them as we put them down in words. And then reliving again as we read the other's perception of things. Its hard to explain.

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