Thursday, October 19, 2006

Best Spam e-mail title of the month:

"How's yourself Mr. crystaltips,Passed over again for that promotion dogfish"
I've been sorting through all the eight million billion files on my desktop computer, trying to do a little cleaning out. I have a ton of crap on here!

There are some gems, however. Take, for example, these saved IM conversations!

Kel: My hip hurts.
Kel: I think I have amnesia.
Kel: No... no. That's wrong.
Kel: Arthritis.

Kelly: I'd become a nun, if it were't for that whole no sex thing.
Kelly: And uh, no material items thing.
Crystal: yeah, all that stuff
Kelly: And, well, the whole nun thing.
Kelly: But man, if it weren't for that...
Crystal: yeah, the whole nun thing REALLY screws up the idea of becoming a nun
Kelly: It does. The nuns need to get a better PR person.

kiki: you could take your digital camera, a santa hat, go out into the woods, find a moose, shoot it was a tranquilizer gun, put the hate on, wait for the moose to wake up, snap a picture while it is still groggy, upload it to some web space and put it in an entry
Crystal: rofl, put the hate on it
kiki: oops
Crystal: ::dies::
Crystal: I am keeping that.

Kelly: So I've been looking at cathedrals.
Kelly: And I saw this one carving, called Torment of the Damned.
Crystal: lovely name
Kelly: It's supposed to be what happens to those who lust too much.
Crystal: I really think this calls for a trip to europe for "research"
Crystal: (all a tax writeoff, of course)
Kelly: And it had a naked dude and a naked woman.
Crystal: oh, damn
Kelly: And between them a holy looking dude.
Crystal: tell me about this, it sounds quite relevant to my life
Kelly: And at their feet, two dragons.
Kelly: And the dragons heads appeared to be attached to the pelvic area of each person.
Crystal: nice dragons?
CrystalW07: oh. not nice dragons.
Kelly: Not so nice dragons.
Crystal: well,it depends on what the dragons are doing down there.
Kelly: True.

Jim: I'm looking at stuff I will eventually use to build my new computer in 6-8 months.
Crystal: aww, its almost like you're getting pregnant!
Jim: rofl
Jim: You know, I never thought of it that way.
Crystal: you're concieving all these ideas, putting the pieces together, and less than a year later, POOF! A baby computer, all shiny and new!
Crystal: although your way involves a lot less sex.
Crystal: well, at least in the way I'm imagining it
Jim: hahaha

And the fairly classic:

Crystal: buenos dias!
Candi: AHH i thought you said bunny something!
Crystal: bunny divas!
Crystal: that is the new greeting.
Candi: omg i'm so going to use that from now on
Crystal: from here on out, all the cool kids will use it.
Candi: ROFL cool kids?! Especially at recess

Tina: and who is Bruce Seth Green?
Crystal: I think it's Seth's dad. He directed a lot of Buff
Tina: aaaah. thats what I was wondering.
Tina: Cuz like he directed the episode on Angel of the cross over with oz.
Crystal: UNLESS, sometimes, Seth wants to feel manly, so he puts on a trucker jacket and slaps on a fake mullet, and calls himself Bruce.
Crystal: but I'm really just leaning towards the "it's his dad" theory
Tina: I would have to agree with that.
Tina: and if I was smart...I would google it...
Tina: but ya know
Crystal: lazyness
Tina: exactly.
Tina: so I would rather just discuss this with you

Jen: what's wrong with america that they keep buying clay aiken
Crystal: hey, I like Clay!
Jen: WHAT????????
Crystal: I do!!
Jen: seriously?
Jen: why?
Crystal: yes!
Jen: oh god, i can't talk to you for at least 20 minutes
Crystal: rofl
Crystal: (voiceover) and that was when their friendship took a turn for the worse...
Jen: k
Jen: when I'm ready to talk again you should be too

Julie: people in 80s clothes should be really tough, because they would have todefend their neon all the time

Candi: I want to go out with a bang, but not literally

I would say that those sum up the awesomeness of my friends quite well. I come across them every few years when I'm sorting through files, and they crack me up every single time!

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Know what sucks? Being sick. Know what really sucks? Being sick all the freaking time! I used to joke back in high school that I only have one white blood cell named Bob, and he's swimming around in there doing the best he can. I sometimes believe it's true. If someone with strep throat is within six hundred and thirty-two miles of me, I get it. I'm pretty sure that's what I have now. Ick, ick, ick. I almost, almost, almost called in sick to work today, which would have been the first time in the almost 2 years I've worked here, but I came anyway. Being too poor to miss work? That also sucks!

It seems like I had some reason for posting other than to whine, but now I can't think of what it was.

Ah yes! Now I know. I recently remembered that it is almost time for National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) again! How fun! I've never actually hit 50,000 words in one month, but I plan to try, yet again. Are you?

Friday, October 13, 2006

Let Them Eat Pop-Tarts

Just because everyone else is doing it, I present you with Photos of my Fridge.

Front view (we'll explore this more in a minute)

Side view- mostly cards and such. It also includes my favorite Raqs picture:

And then we have the...

Other side view. Yes, I have a ton of magnetic poetry magnets. You do too, admit it. The truth will set you free.

Okay, back to the front.

Here we have a lovely childhood picture of yours truly, a few of my many, many Figment magnets (I got a set of 12 or 16 or something!), some of my fabulous homemade marble magnets, and one of my favorite Anne Taintor postcards.

My nephew will probably kick me if he sees this one, but this is a lovely showcase of his school pictures. Yes, various other fruits of my sisters' loins grace the fridge elsewhere. At the bottom is my awesome moose Canada magnet, and the arcade game magnet my sister (mother of the nephew!) gave me. You push a button and it makes noises. Fun! Also pictured: me in a Marilyn Monroe wig. And R2. And more Figment.

I thought this Anne Taintor postcard fit my kitchen well.

My oldest sister apparently knows of my great hatred for when people say "ATM Machine", and sent me these comics. There are several others from her up on the fridge, mostly about cats.

The large frog pictured here is named Squatindawg Picadilly. It's a long story. The tiny frog was a ring that I wore in high school. It broke, but rather than parting with it, I glued a magnet to his ass, and here he rests.

You knew there would be Tallulah pics on here, right?

Atop the fridge. The tiki shot glasses were a housewarming gift from my friend Tina, and the pink candy box was a valentines day gift (then filled with candy, now filled with Taco Bell mild sauce packets) from my friend Tiffany. Back behind, mostly out of sight, is my collection of Disney resort refillable mugs.

I got a little carried away with the picture taking (a first for me, really, I know.), so here is most of the rest of my kitchen:

At least, the rest that's clean enough to show you.

Here we see such exotic cuisine as granola bars and pop tarts! Oooooh, ahhhh.

I am still yet to actually *use* these cookie cutters, of course. Maybe I'll break them out in honor of Halloween! And of course, another Anne postcard.

I got these cute coffee-themed hooks at Hobby Lobby for supercheap. They're obviously meant to hold coffee cups, but mine are all too freaking heavy, and pull them off the wall.

A few of the many, many, many postcards that line the border of my wall. This is what results from being a member of postcardx for yeeeears.

This is atop my microwave. The basket holds pretty tea- the boring ones stay in the box. There's a pack of labels so I can put the date on leftovers before they go in the fridge- yeah, I'm *that* girl. The tiny vodka bottle is now empty (see post regarding vodka a few weeks ago!), but I had to keep it because it was given to me by one of the weirdest guests in my hotel job history- he handed them out as tips instead of cash. Awesome. The candle on the right is Kitchen Spice scent, so I can make it smell like cooking actually happens in here.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006 may be the handiest new site I've come across in a while!

It took me a while to figure out, but once I did... boy howdy! It's essentially a universal wishlist. You add a certain part of their site to your toolbar, and when you come across something on the ol' internets that you like, you click the button, and it adds it for you! The best part is that you can brows through the most popular sites, and I've found some supercool stuff as a result!

A few fab finds: has a ton of supercute stuff, but I should warn you now that if you go look, you are going to want it all. Some of my favorites from the site include:

These lovely coffee mugs...

These cute dessert plates. Any site that divides itself into categories including pizza, coffee, and martinis is ok by me. has some seriously beautiful stuff! Check out this kimono dress:

Seriously, don't you just want to have babies with this dress? It also comes in black.

And yes, you've all heard of Ikea, but did you know they had supercute pet stuff?

If that black cat bed weren't like $60, I would totally buy it. I can think of no funnier image than of Lula asleep in that bed!

From (the site that originally linked me to stylehive!), I discovered that I simply must own...

This purse!

And this lipgloss!

A stylehive useage note- I've found that if you highlight the item's description before you click the bookmarklett thing, stylehive will automatically fill it in for you!

In a totally unrelated note, dark chocolate MnMs eaten with peanut butter may be the yummiest thing ever!

Monday, October 09, 2006

Godiva Don't Bounce Like Dat

Dear Godiva,

I love you guys, I really do. Thanks to you, I know that it takes exactly $12 worth of truffles to get over a crappy ex-boyfriend. However, I feel that it's my duty to pass on some info to you. You know those yummy new lattes you make? With the chocolate in the bottle, and you shake it up, and it makes it all chocolatey? So good in theory! But there's a little problem.

You see, Godiva, people are clumsy in the morning before they get their coffee. And those fragile glass bottles that you put the yummy caffeine in? They're a bit fragile. I discovered this a few days ago when I tried to open the door to my work with my hands full, and my precious precious coffee crashed to the ground, and shattered into a billion tiny pieces, that were really a bitch to clean up.

The thing is, Godiva, I've dropped Starbucks bottles before. Many times. (See morning clumsiness.) They don't break! They bounce! They are magic bottles, Godiva, magic bottles. Please look into using this magic bottle technology in the future, because I can tell you, working all day with no coffee? It sucks!

Woot, Wonderfalls!

Okay, I know that I have pimped the fabulous but short-lived “Wonderfalls” to all of you like eight million times already, but I just made a NEW discovery about its awesomeness!

A few weeks ago, I finally watched the first three episodes of Firefly, and one character looked really familiar. It took me about a week to FINALLY figure out that she was Heidi on Wonderfalls! Freaked me out, but how cool is that?

Well, it just happened again, dude. I just started to watch Rent (again.) when I had one of those “putting two and two together” moments. Traci Thom’s name hit the credits, and it clicked. She’s also Mahandra on Wonderfalls! Why it never occoured to me that they had the SAME NAME is beyond me, but then it did take me until about the age of 15 to figure out that Julie Andrews from Mary Poppins was the same Julie Andrews from the Sound of Music. An obvious “Duh”, but it just never occoured to me! So anyway, yet another reason why Wonderfalls rocks: Joanne from Rent! YAY!

Sunday, October 08, 2006

The fabulous Miss Maggie from, which I’ve been reading for about eighty zillion years, has written a snazzy new book entitled “Nobody cares what you had for lunch: 100 Ideas for your Blog”. I finally gave in and bought it, and you should do the same! (You can get it on Amazon, or for a few dollars more, get it straight from, and it will be autographed!)

Before my copy came, I read a post on where she had used one of the ideas from the book. The question was:

“What are your relationship deal breakers? Some folks are annoyed if a date shows up ten minutes late. Others look for something weightier, like a felony record. Have you ever rejected someone over something that seems insignificant to your friends? Or do you have selective blindness for red flags?”

It was a great post, but the 300-something comments she got on that entry were even better! It was hilarious to read through everyone’s ideas of what makes a potential mate totally unsuitable. My very favorite, which still makes me laugh out loud was:

“They’re out if they voted for GW. And sometimes if they’re convicted murderers.”

I love people who have their priorities in order!

You probably know by now that I’m not the type who can just come up to an answer to the question on the spot, and type up something fabulous. I have to let it ruminate, turn it around in my head for a few weeks, and then I’ll have some answers. After much thought, I’ve finally come up with the following criteria for what makes one dateable:

*Those who are rude to waitstaff/bad tippers are out.

*No big egos allowed.

*I honestly don’t think there is any way that I could date someone with a “pimped out” car, as in with all the crazy spinny hubcaps, funky pait job, etc. Also, nobody who talks about their car or car stereo system for more than two minutes.

*Must not balk at the idea of somewhat uncomfortable/rough travel conditions- such as sleeping on the occasional floor, hammock, or guest house that has a slight pest problem.

*Must also understand, however, the need for the occasional 5 Star fancy pants place. Paris, for example, calls for a snazzy hotel room.

*Being too cheap in general is bad. Must know how to splurge on occasion, and must not freak out if spending an unplanned $5 on coffee.

*On the other hand, can not suck with money, as in no spending $50 on new dvds when the bills are due and there’s no spare cash. Must not have zillions of dollars of credit card debt.

*Homophobes are 100% unacceptable. Must also support gay marriage.

*Must like to travel. This is non-negotiable.

*Anyone who can not hold a job, or has been unemployed for 2 years because they are too arrogant to take a low-paying job while they’re waiting for their dream job to come along. Ah, how we live and learn.

*You know, I honestly don’t think I could date someone who didn’t like the Simpsons.

*We all like people that we share common interests with, but there’s no way I can date someone who is TOO much like me. I do not want to date myself. (Although I am pretty awesome.) Also, in a similar note, must not be afraid to disagree with me.

*Can not take longer to get ready than I do. High maintenance guys need not apply.

*No drugs, no alcoholics, preferably no smokers.

*Must be an animal person! If you get your pets from a breeder instead of a shelter, you probably have no chance. Anyone who is mean to animals/thinks it is amusing to harm one is gone so fast his head will spin.

*Must care about improving the world, and be involved in charity in some way. Or be willing to.

*Nerdy. Must be nerdy. Or geeky. Ability to work movie quotes into everyday conversation a plus. Ability to fix my computer a big plus.

*I’m lenient on religion, as long as they have some sort of belief in some form of God. Beliefs not too different from my own are a plus, though. Anyone who tries to push their beliefs on others is out.

*Can’t take themselves too seriously. If you aren’t willing to occasionally make an idiot of yourself in public, walk away now.

*Nobody suicidal and/or crazy in the head.

*No excessive body hair.

*Decent personal hygiene is a must. Monthly manicures and pedicures is taking it too far.

*No bad kissers. Just…no.

*No fraidy cats. Must be willing to do thrill rides, travel in non-westernized countries, etc.

*Must want kids eventually. Not too soon. Hopefully doesn’t already have any.

*Nobody who is only happy living in a big city. Not gonna happen.

*Nobody who freaks out if I hug them or hold their hand in public.

*Must know how to argue intelligently, not the type who turns everything around to be my fault, or uses personal insults, etc. Walking out/hanging up in the middle of a fight also really pisses me off. Don’t do it.

*Must be in a good mood a fair amount of the time. Anyone who is always grumpy/depressed/angry/etc is just too draining. Everyone is like that sometimes, but excess is bad. You’ve at least got to quit complaining long enough to listen to what I want to whine about.

*Must, must, must be smart. The last thing you read should not have been a book in high school. Morocco is not in South America. You do not look people up in the phone book by their first name. You should be able to give me a run for the money at Trivial Pursuit. Knowledge of foreign languages is a plus, especially if they are ones I don’t know.

*Anyone who doesn't follow through on things they say- such as calling and saying "I'll stop by your work later to see you", and not doing it. Repeatedly.

*Men who don't remember the things you tell them. I'm not saying you have to remember every story I ever tell you, but if you space out and miss things, it says that you need to be paying more attention.

*Must have opinions! "What do you want to do?" "I don't know, watever you want." "What kind of food do you want to eat?" "I don't care, whatever." Gets annoying fast!

*Must have self-confidence. "Nobody likes me, I'm not good at anything..." blah blah... quite the turn-off.

*Any physical abuse- there is NO second chance there. I don't care what your reasons are, NO.

*Good sense of humor a must. He who laughs at things that are not at all funny gets annoying quickly.

*Coughing/sneezing without covering your mouth. Eww.

Wow, that turned out to be a lot longer than I expected. Who knew I was so picky? Okay, yeah, we all did.

Feel free to share your red flags in the comments!

Monday, October 02, 2006

C is for Cookie

The vending machine on the 4th floor of the hotel charges 60 cents for cookies, while the one on 3rd floor charges 80 cents. For some reason, this offends me. I may even hold it against the 3rd floor machine.


Oh, so you really DO need to eat and sleept to avoid dying? Who knew?

I’m finally feeling better- the kids went home on Sunday morning, which means that other than Hannah waking me up at 8am on Sunday to ask if she could borrow my shoes to wear to church (Um, you are 9 years old, and I wear a size 10, they are not going to fit!) I’ve finally had a chance to get some rest, and just recover.

I actually spent pretty much all of Saturday in bed, which suuuuuuucked, because there was a wedding I wanted to go to that day, and missing it broke my heart. And it wasn’t even a restful day, because every ten minutes, one of the kids came in and woke me up to ask some kind of yard sale related question. (“Some lady wants to know how much X is….” Just make up a price! Give it to her! Just don’t wake me up!). I thought I could finally get some sleep on Saturday night when my mom took them out to the pizza buffet, so I put in my shiny new Grey’s Anatomy DVDs, watched an episode, and promptly fell asleep as the second one came on. Of course, as soon as they got home, the kids ran downstairs to tell me they were home. I thought that I’d been asleep for a few hours, but the DVD timer on the episode said I’d only gotten 15 minutes of sleep.

Anyway, enough of my whining. I finally got some sleep after the kids left, barely managed to stay awake through work on Sunday, went home and slept a LOT more, and today, I’m finally feeling better. Still not 100% (and I still think I’m getting an ulcer, which means I need to cut way back on the coffee), but fifty thousand times better than I was!

I’m hanging out at work tonight, watching No Reservations on the Travel Channel. (I had a dream last night that the host was doing a book signing at Epcot. I really need to stop having these dreams that are a weird mix of TV people and Disney. The night before I had a dream that I was staying at DAK Lodge with the cast of Grey’s.)

I’m staying an extra hours tonight, in a pathetic attempt to get some overtime. Yes, working late is really stupid when you are just recovering from total exhaustion, but I still need about $1000 more for my trip, so I’ll take the hours wherever I can get em!