Sunday, October 08, 2006

The fabulous Miss Maggie from Mightygirl.net, which I’ve been reading for about eighty zillion years, has written a snazzy new book entitled “Nobody cares what you had for lunch: 100 Ideas for your Blog”. I finally gave in and bought it, and you should do the same! (You can get it on Amazon, or for a few dollars more, get it straight from mightygirl.net, and it will be autographed!)

Before my copy came, I read a post on Dooce.com where she had used one of the ideas from the book. The question was:

“What are your relationship deal breakers? Some folks are annoyed if a date shows up ten minutes late. Others look for something weightier, like a felony record. Have you ever rejected someone over something that seems insignificant to your friends? Or do you have selective blindness for red flags?”

It was a great post, but the 300-something comments she got on that entry were even better! It was hilarious to read through everyone’s ideas of what makes a potential mate totally unsuitable. My very favorite, which still makes me laugh out loud was:

“They’re out if they voted for GW. And sometimes if they’re convicted murderers.”

I love people who have their priorities in order!

You probably know by now that I’m not the type who can just come up to an answer to the question on the spot, and type up something fabulous. I have to let it ruminate, turn it around in my head for a few weeks, and then I’ll have some answers. After much thought, I’ve finally come up with the following criteria for what makes one dateable:

*Those who are rude to waitstaff/bad tippers are out.

*No big egos allowed.

*I honestly don’t think there is any way that I could date someone with a “pimped out” car, as in with all the crazy spinny hubcaps, funky pait job, etc. Also, nobody who talks about their car or car stereo system for more than two minutes.

*Must not balk at the idea of somewhat uncomfortable/rough travel conditions- such as sleeping on the occasional floor, hammock, or guest house that has a slight pest problem.

*Must also understand, however, the need for the occasional 5 Star fancy pants place. Paris, for example, calls for a snazzy hotel room.

*Being too cheap in general is bad. Must know how to splurge on occasion, and must not freak out if spending an unplanned $5 on coffee.

*On the other hand, can not suck with money, as in no spending $50 on new dvds when the bills are due and there’s no spare cash. Must not have zillions of dollars of credit card debt.

*Homophobes are 100% unacceptable. Must also support gay marriage.

*Must like to travel. This is non-negotiable.

*Anyone who can not hold a job, or has been unemployed for 2 years because they are too arrogant to take a low-paying job while they’re waiting for their dream job to come along. Ah, how we live and learn.

*You know, I honestly don’t think I could date someone who didn’t like the Simpsons.

*We all like people that we share common interests with, but there’s no way I can date someone who is TOO much like me. I do not want to date myself. (Although I am pretty awesome.) Also, in a similar note, must not be afraid to disagree with me.

*Can not take longer to get ready than I do. High maintenance guys need not apply.

*No drugs, no alcoholics, preferably no smokers.

*Must be an animal person! If you get your pets from a breeder instead of a shelter, you probably have no chance. Anyone who is mean to animals/thinks it is amusing to harm one is gone so fast his head will spin.

*Must care about improving the world, and be involved in charity in some way. Or be willing to.

*Nerdy. Must be nerdy. Or geeky. Ability to work movie quotes into everyday conversation a plus. Ability to fix my computer a big plus.

*I’m lenient on religion, as long as they have some sort of belief in some form of God. Beliefs not too different from my own are a plus, though. Anyone who tries to push their beliefs on others is out.

*Can’t take themselves too seriously. If you aren’t willing to occasionally make an idiot of yourself in public, walk away now.

*Nobody suicidal and/or crazy in the head.

*No excessive body hair.

*Decent personal hygiene is a must. Monthly manicures and pedicures is taking it too far.

*No bad kissers. Just…no.

*No fraidy cats. Must be willing to do thrill rides, travel in non-westernized countries, etc.

*Must want kids eventually. Not too soon. Hopefully doesn’t already have any.

*Nobody who is only happy living in a big city. Not gonna happen.

*Nobody who freaks out if I hug them or hold their hand in public.

*Must know how to argue intelligently, not the type who turns everything around to be my fault, or uses personal insults, etc. Walking out/hanging up in the middle of a fight also really pisses me off. Don’t do it.

*Must be in a good mood a fair amount of the time. Anyone who is always grumpy/depressed/angry/etc is just too draining. Everyone is like that sometimes, but excess is bad. You’ve at least got to quit complaining long enough to listen to what I want to whine about.

*Must, must, must be smart. The last thing you read should not have been a book in high school. Morocco is not in South America. You do not look people up in the phone book by their first name. You should be able to give me a run for the money at Trivial Pursuit. Knowledge of foreign languages is a plus, especially if they are ones I don’t know.

*Anyone who doesn't follow through on things they say- such as calling and saying "I'll stop by your work later to see you", and not doing it. Repeatedly.

*Men who don't remember the things you tell them. I'm not saying you have to remember every story I ever tell you, but if you space out and miss things, it says that you need to be paying more attention.

*Must have opinions! "What do you want to do?" "I don't know, watever you want." "What kind of food do you want to eat?" "I don't care, whatever." Gets annoying fast!

*Must have self-confidence. "Nobody likes me, I'm not good at anything..." blah blah... quite the turn-off.

*Any physical abuse- there is NO second chance there. I don't care what your reasons are, NO.

*Good sense of humor a must. He who laughs at things that are not at all funny gets annoying quickly.

*Coughing/sneezing without covering your mouth. Eww.




Wow, that turned out to be a lot longer than I expected. Who knew I was so picky? Okay, yeah, we all did.

Feel free to share your red flags in the comments!

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