Wednesday, December 30, 2009

This is why I don't cook

The scene:
The camera fades in on the star of our story, standing in her small apartment kitchen, peeling the wrapper carefully from a roll of premade croissant dough, flinching in expectation of that popping thing dough does when you crack the roll.

Dough: *Does not pop*

Words on Package: Press on seam with spoon and twist roll to open

Crystal: What if you only own plastic spoons? *smooshes hard on package with thumb while trying to twist it. When that doesn't work, tries whacking it on the countertop.*

Dough: *does not pop*

Crystal: *reaches in silverware drawer for sturdy looking plastic spoon, and uses it to push down on package while trying to twist at the same time. Eventually abandons this for cautiously stabbing package with a knife*

Dough: *does not pop*

Crystal: *pokes package a little more firmly with knife before taking it in both hands and twisting as hard as possible*

Dough: *does not pop*

Crystal: I NEED AN ADULT!!

(Our Star walks out her front door, tube of dough in hand, and knocks on the door of the pastry chef next door.)

KNOCK KNOCK!

Dough: POP!

Crystal: *SCREAMS LIKE GIRL*

Door: Does not open

Crystal: Um, nevermind, I got it! *scurries back into own apartment*

Text from Ashlee Next Door: Um, was that you knocking?


Lesson learned: Buy pre-made croissants.

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