Thursday, October 29, 2009


I've been on a James Bond kick lately. And you all know my tendency to not do things halfway, so I decided to watch every Bond film, since I've only seen bits and pieces here and there. And since one of the things on my 101 things in 1001 days list is to blog about 100 books or movies I consume, here's my quick rundown of the first 10 Bond flicks on my watching spree!

1. Tomorrow Never Dies- Oh, car that I can drive with my cell phone, I wish I had you! Kickass Bond Girl, you kick ass. Pierce Brosnan, you are a very acceptable Bond. And storyline, you are pretty darn good. It is amusing to see GPS treated like a new-fangled thing, now that everyone has it. But yeah, this is my favorite flick so far.

2. Moonraker- Oh, Roger Moore, I am so sorry that they made you do James Bond Does Star Wars. Yes, I get that Lucas was making bazillions at the time, but that was not a legitimate reason for them to put you in space firing lasers at people. I'm so sorry, you are awesome anyway. Fo' real.

3. Live and Let Die- Sooo... um, let's just call this one a liiiiiiiiiiittle bit racist. You know, just a smidge. It just implies in a sorta roundabout way that ...well, judge for yourself:

It's pretty weird for a Bond movie, but the boat chase scene is awesome. I do cry a single tear for Roger Moore for getting handed all the really crappy plots. But the funeral/parades amuse me more than they should. And I got about an hour into the movie before I realized that Jane Seymour was JANE SEYMOUR! So for the rest of the movie, I was all "HI, Dr Quinn!" And I think the line about "I can't go off leaving you half-cocked" is my favorite perverted Bondism of the series so far. And the boat chase scene rocks.

4. Octopussy- Is it bad that I remembered NOTHING about the plot of this, except for the octopus? No, seriously, I had to go look it up. I think that's mostly because I watched way too many of these in the same week, so they all kind of blended together, because this is my 2nd favorite so far! Also: I like India.

5. Goldfinger- I have a confession to make. I don't like Sean Connery as Bond. Sorry. I also don't like Golfinger that much. Sorry, again.

6. Die Another Day- Pretty good, really. Kind of a letdown since I liked the other Brosnan film ever so much, though. I liked Hallie Barry.

7. The Spy Who Loved Me- For about the first hour, I thought this may be my 2nd favorite so far, but I kind of lost interest about 90 min in. While having the Bond Girl be an agent, too, is pretty cool, we never get to see her do much ass-kicking. I did have a good time amusing myself during the last bit saying "We blow...shit...up!" (kinda quoth Nostalgia Chick). I <3 Jaws, is he the only Bond vilain to be in more than one movie?

8. Diamonds are Forever- Well, I selfishly think it's awesome that Bond drives a Mustang in this one. Mr Kidd and Mr Wint are really creepy. That's pretty much all I have to say about this one, though. I just can't love Connery as Bond, but I do enjoy mocking him when bad things happen, saying out loud to the movie "HAH! That would never have happened to Roger Moore!". Yes, I talk to the movie. Oh, and the car chase scene is good, but I attribute that more to Bond driving my car than to Bond himself ;). Oooh, and I love the cutting edge cassette tape technology!

9. Dr No- The first Bond flick! I originally pondered watching them all in order, but that's HARD since I am getting them from the library. And part of the beauty is there is no NEED to watch them in any order. Oh my the opening titles to this are seizure-inducing flashy! But I really like this one. I can't believe it, but I even really like Connery in it. I know! Crazy! Thumbs-up. This might actually be my 2nd favorite instead of Octopussy, jury is out.

10. The Man with the Golden Gun- Wow, almost as many Bond movies have "gold" in the title as "Die"! (actually, 3 with gold, 3 with die!) It has my favorite Bond! And Christopher Lee, who I love so much I want to keep as a pet. It even has a bellydancer! A crappy one, but still. It has little people, and sumo wrestlers! (Which left me repeating "Umm... aren't sumo wrestlers Japanese?" for a few minutes.) I really feel like this one was written more geared towards how Connery plays Bond. At one point, I even said "That never would have happened to Roger M... oh, wait." And when all the martial arts students came out, I was really hoping for a Matrix-style Neo/Agents Smith battle (the burly brawl), but it never played out. Don't remember the burly brawl?

Let's refresh our memories:

QUICK! What do the Matrix and the movie I am actually talking about have in common?? If you said actors from Lord of the Rings, you get a cookie!

I also enjoyed the JW from Live and Let Die cameo! At first. And then it got annoying. And then I realized he reminds me of someone, and it became WAY funnier. Someone on IMDB commented that this Bond doesn't have the "liveliness" of the others, and I think that's a good way to describe it. Moore is usually a lighthearted Bond, but he's kind of flat here. Nick Nack's "I kill you!" sounds oddly like Achmed the Dead Terrorist. And ooh, my 10th bond was also coincidentally the 10th Bond! (If you count the 1967 Casino Rmoyale)

So that's 10 down, 12 to go!

The one I'm looking forward to watching the most?

Squee! Can I coin the word "bondgasm!" here?

And, in closing, I have to sum up exactly what I feel like after yammering on about 10 Bond movies in the only way I know to metaphorize life-- with Buffy.

I couldn't find the clip of them discussing Bond. If you can, I will <3 you!

So tell me, who is your favorite Bond? Which are your favorite movies? Do you, like Andrew, think that Timothy Dalton should win an oscar and beat Sean Connery over the head with it?


Thursday, October 22, 2009

linky love

Are you bored with Failblog, FML, and LOLCats? Here are a few new links to amuse:

My favorite bit from that one so far?

"being “aware of the truth” is a 88.5% indicator of crazy."

So true. (read the email about zombies here)

(note to self- do not read and write about zombies, and then go outside to your car at 2am. ZOMBIES!!)

(608): Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
(1-608): Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.