Saturday, November 06, 2010

I am pretty sure you mean "best".

I was google imaging "worst house ever" for a future post and came across these within the first results. Dude, Google, are you crazy?

Um, HELLO, this is obviously like the house from UP. I WOULD LIVE HERE and be the happiest hermit EVER. As long as there was a Starbucks down the street.

I also found this AWESOME super cat-friendly house in Japan in the search results:

You can see more pictures at Modern Cat. But seriously, how cute are those kitty versions of mouse holes? And Jasper would looooove that drawer with the round hole in it. He used to sleep inside my kitchen cabinets.

This also came up in my search. It has nothing to do with houses, but it is awesome.

I also tried googling "Worst apartment ever", but nothing particularly interesting came up. It did, however, inspire me to tell you the tale of the very worst apartment I ever lived in! I'm sure I've said some things about this place before, but it is a tale worth telling.

This is what the community looks like on all of the ads and websites and such:

OMG, how cute is that, huh? Cute little Easter candy colored townhouses! SO CUTE.

This was one of the first places I considered before moving to Orlando. The place was brand new, freakishly cheap, and not a bad drive from Disney. I ended up living at a different place for a year, but when they raised my already super high rent even higher at the end of my lease, I had to find someplace else. I found this apartment (Actually a townhouse, but I think of it as an apartment) on Craigslist and went to check it out.

It was a FURNISHED one bedroom with electricity and water included for $600/month, which for Orlando is practically free. I jumped on it and moved in ASAP!

There were some problems getting my electricity turned on, but I was so desperate to get out of the place I was staying between apartments that I didn't care and started moving in sans power. The rental agent promised it would be on the next day, but of course it wasn't, and I ended up spending three or four days with no power. FUN. Luckily it was a fairly cool September for Florida, so just opening the windows let a decent breeze in.

These are the supplies I picked up at Wal-Mart for my first night (which turned into nights) in the electricityless apartment.

However, when I say it was furnished, it was FURNISHED! Cups and plates and coffee maker and towels and sheets and everything.

Including TV, DVD player and horrible fish-print sofa.

One of the first things I did upon moving in was strip this comforter off the bed, fold it up and place it in the closet, where it stayed until I moved out. Additionally, that headboard is attached to the wall and looked really funny when I decided to move the bed across the room.

Oh, teeny tiny kitchen, how I hated you. I didn't notice when I came to look at the apartment that not only was there no stove, but no dishwasher, no garbage disposal. The mini fridge's freezer section was only about 3 inches tall, so ice cream was impossible.

My favorite thing was the tiny frogs that lived there. Look to the left of the light here, near the wall. SO CUTE.

They would often manage to get into my kitchen when I opened the door, like this little guy.

The place was actually pretty nice for the first few weeks. My only complaint was that the community was still under construction, so I would occasionally hear workers talking loudly outside my window, which was annoying when I was trying to sleep.

About three weeks after I moved in, however, I came home from work one night and discovered that my laptop wasn't on the sofa where I had left it. My brain tried to make sense of this, wondering if I had maybe taken it into the bedroom before I left, but since the living room was the only place in the house I could pick up a wireless signal, I *always* left it on the sofa. After staring at the empty cushion for a few minutes, I grabbed my phone and called the police, who showed up about half an hour later to dust for prints and look around.

It turns out that I had left one of the living room windows unlocked after those first few electricityless days when I had opened them for the breeze, so someone came by and popped off the screen (which the builders had installed backwards, making them much easier to remove than they should have been) hopped into my living room, grabbed my laptop and the bag holding my two camcorders and made off into the night.

I debated whether to stay or move, but I finally decided that it was somewhat my fault for leaving the window unlocked, and where else was I going to find such a dirt cheap place to live?

About a month later, The Neighbors moved in. Things had been pretty quiet (burglary not counted) until then, but as soon as they and their 87 kids moved in, I nearly lost my sanity. The walls separating my apartment from the adjacent larger one were PAPER THIN. To the point that I could hear every word said next door. They watched Madagascar 2 in Spanish a LOT. They had a dog. It barked.

Also, they liked to park in my front yard sometimes, rather than, you know, in the PARKING LOT.

Basically, it was this. Exactly. Minus the superhero costumes.

And they were Puerto Rican, not Mexican. But it's still a pretty good illustration.

I was totally computerless for about two months. I seriously think the meanest thing you can do is separate a nerd from her computer! I spent many hours at the library about a mile away, internetting it up when I got the chance! Finally, after a lot of overtime and some borrowed money, I was able to get a new laptop.

A month after I bought it, I came home from work and noticed something was weird. I forgot to lock the door on my way out? Hmm. And then the cats ran to greet me totally FREAKED OUT. And of course, once I walked in, I saw that my computer was gone. Again. I started yelling a string of obscenities at the top of my lungs, totally not believing this could happen AGAIN. WTF?? I went into my bedroom to see if anything was missing from there, and after a minute noticed an odd breeze. And glass all over my bed. My bedroom window was shattered, lying in chunks on my carpet and sheets. THAT freaked me out, so I grabbed my purse and phone, and went out to my car to call the police.

While I was sitting in the car, I saw a man emerge from behind the building, carrying what looked like a broomstick minus the broom part- something long and pole like. He was walking towards my door. I didn't stick around to find out what he was up to, I drove to the gas station across the street from the community and called the police.

I got their answering machine. So I called 911, and they finally were able to connect me to the right people.

Police came out again, more fingerprinting, blah blah blah. Too freaked out to stay in the apartment, I called my friend Ashlee to ask if I could sleep on her couch for the night, and stopped by work first thing the next morning to ask if I could have the day off to apartment hunt.

I obviously never got either of my laptops or cameras back. One of my favorite managers at work pulled me aside a few weeks later and said he was getting a new laptop, would I like his old one? This is the kind of kickass coworkers I had there. Another gave me a spare mattress he had when I moved into my new place. Everyone else gave me lots of love.

I pulled the place (Bimini Bay in Davenport, FL. NEVER LIVE THERE!) up on Google Maps last week to show my mom, and was amused to see in the reviews that someone reports there have been a lot of car break-ins and drug busts lately. Sounds like it's about the same!

The really funny thing is reading their website. When I moved in, it advertised that the awesome club house and water park area would be opening in late 2008. It now claims they will open in early 2011. Yeah, right.

I was actually able to look up the exact apartment I lived in, and found this:

(I lived in a one bedroom lockoff, the Worst Neighbors Ever lived in the 2 bed/2 bath side.)

I lived there from the beginning Sept 2008 through the end of January 2009. (It was broken into on Sept 24 and Jan 21.)

But how sad are those numbers?? It dropped $80,000 in assessment after I moved out?? Did, I don't know, multiple break-ins maybe have something to do with that? I mean dude, my cats never even threw up on the carpet! It was still like-new when I moved out! (Minus the shattered window, of course.)

I looked at some neighboring properties, and it looks like they originally sold for about $250,000. Can you imagine paying THAT MUCH for a place and then selling it three years later for under $40k? That makes my losing a thousand or so dollars worth of electronics not sound so bad.

Wait, no, that part still totally sucks.

Speaking of "special" houses and apartments, have you seen Lovely Listings? I thought I had it on my link sidebar, but I don't seem to! They post pictures of awesome real estate listings, and I promise you, there are some interesting ones in there!

What's the worst place you have ever lived?


Lady Bobo said...

I remember that place! And the frog! So scary. O_o

Lady Bobo said...

Haha, Lady Bobo.