Wednesday, May 11, 2011

My Cricket


You guys, I'm sitting here unable to stop crying. My Cricket got hit by a car. She hadn't been up all afternoon, but I assumed she was just out on a kitty adventure. My mom finally decided to walk along our road to check, and found her about 30 steps from our house. I am in total, total shock that my itty bitty is gone.

We're both in that crazy guilt phase of "what if's". What if we had gone looking for her earlier? I went out and called her a few times this afternoon, I should have known something was up. Would finding her sooner have made a difference? Thinking about it totally rips my heart out.

We have a fenced in back yard, and when we let the cats out they usually chill on the back deck or within the yard, but every now and then they'll follow a squirrel into the woods or something. She never, ever goes up by the road, though, so this... I don't even have words. Just so, so sad.

Cricket was my BABY. I adopted her when she was about 2 months old, and when I brought her home from the shelter she had an awful cold and I thought I was going to lose her. After days of feeding her via eyedropper, she finally pulled out of it and grew up into an amazing cat. I mean, look at that first photo, she made her own superhero capes out of grocery bags.

Just yesterday I was cuddling her in the guest room (which was "her" room- she spent long afternoons stretched out asleep on "her" bed.) She was in such a lovey mood yesterday, she got so many belly rubs and cuddles.

I wish there was something, anything I could do. There's not. I'm heartbroken. I'm still in shock. When my mom brought her body up, I literally had to pull up photos to check markings to make sure it was her, it was so unbelievable.

A huge, huge, bigger than huge reoccuring theme in my life the last few years has been to take NOTHING for granted, a lesson I've learned from loss after loss after loss. I try, I really try to fully appreciate everyone and everything in my life, because I keep being shown how quickly I can lose them, without warning.

All of these words are me trying to make some sense of it, trying to believe it, trying not to feel so horrible, trying to somehow comfort myself. It isn't working.

I'm sad.

7 comments:

tara said...

OMG!!! oh no! i'm so sorry, girl! :(

xxsquigglesxx said...

I am so so sorry for your loss. I know how attached people are to animals. They are our children. Please let me know if I can help you in any way.

C said...

I'm so sorry. Losing animals is the worst. My boyfriend always says our animals are 'tiny tragedies waiting to happen.' Doesn't make the enjoyment of having them any less, but it's absolutely true.

Sending warm wishes your way.

Katie said...

Love you. <3

Jen said...

Crystal, I'm so sorry. I'm just reading this, and I know how hard it is to lose a pet. Every time I lose a pet, I just try to think that they are now up in kitty heaven having a good old time with each other. Its been almost 3 years since I lost my Koshka, and I still miss her terribly, but every day it gets a little easier. <3

Katie said...

My snuggles does that with the plastic bags too, I am sorry, my 1 cat always gets out teh front door sneaks out and runs off were I can't get her and I always hope that she will return safely, she is just too fast even for the dog to catch.

Erin said...

I'm so sorry. :( :( :(