Monday, February 11, 2013

Bachelor Blog Time!

Hola, bloggerinos! I missed blogging about The Bachelor the past few weeks since my computer was dead, but now I'm baaaack! Let's watch people make poor life choices!

This week starts with the gang arriving in St Croix, which I would take over Montana any old day. (Sorry, Montanans. Montanaites?) AshLee of Unfortunate Capitalization gets the one on one date. I like AshLee quite a bit, despite her control issues and slightly little girl voice. Tierra calls her a cougar, which makes me want to smack her upside the head. AshLee is 32, Sean is like 29. That does not count as a cougar, dumbass. Tierra continues to show off her dumbassery, going on about how absurd it is not to have found someone to settle down with by the age of 32. I really hope someone plays this back for her when she's still alone at 40.

AshLee answers Sean's question about the drama by actually giving some details on why everyone dislikes Tierra. He's been frustrated that everyone has been implying that she sucks, but not really following up with examples. Sean claims he appreciates her honesty, but I'm a little worried for AshLee anyway, since these dudes tend to turn against anyone who bursts their bubble about the crazy chick they've put up on a pedestal.

It makes me laugh during Sean's date with AshLee where he says he hasn't felt like this about anyone in a long time, since he basically means "last week". AshLee has some big secret to reveal to Sean, which she's terrified about. I automatically assume she has a kid she hasn't mentioned, but it turns out that it's just that she got married when she was 17 (and divorced at 18), mostly to escape her bad home situation.  Big whoop. Sean says it's no big deal, but judging from his body language and facial expressions, I think he was thrown a little. I would love to post a pic from AshLee's date here, but all 14 pics in the preview gallery on the Bachelor site are of the Tierra date. The producers are playing that for all it's worth, eh? AshLee ends up yelling that she loves Sean, and I'm surprised that I actually find it kind of adorable instead of horribly cheesy.

Tierra finally gets a date card for a one-on-one, and proceeds to bitch about the date not being exactly what she wanted. She seems fun! I'm a little confused by the order of things- pretty much every ep so far has been a one-on-one followed by a group date, and then another one on one. (Is that hyphenated or not? Who knows.) This episode has AshLee's solo date immediately followed by Tierra's, with no group action in between.

Tierra shows up for her "walk around the city and look at stuff" date wearing a fashion trainwreck. I giggled at her "He bought me the most incredible things anyone could buy on a first date!" as Sean buys her a $2 shell necklace, since a couple of weeks ago he was buying diamonds and a designer dress and such for that one chick who got sent home.

They run into a carnival in process, and I know I'm hating a lot already, but oh man can this chick not dance at all. I'm legit kinda embarrassed for her.

No one should wear this, ever. Learn how to dress your body, girl!

As they stroll around town, Sean and Tierra talk about shopping and snow cones and other deep, relationship-building topics. I enjoy the part where she talks about how the other girls distance themselves from her, since two minutes ago we saw her getting a cot at the hotel to build her own little sleeping area so she wouldn't have to room with the others. Sean is painfully quick to buy Tierra's BS about her drama with the other girls.

The group date this week is Catherine, Desiree and Lindsay, so it turns out that Lesley gets a one-on-one this week, too. Ohhhh. Sean starts the group sex... err, group date... by breaking into the women's room before dawn and taking their photos as they wake up. THIS MAKES YOU A HORRIBLE PERSON, SEAN. Just so you know.

They spend the day driving across the island so they can catch the sunset on the other side. It's mostly pretty boring. The other girls get annoyed that Desiree is connecting with Sean a lot on the date, so of course they spend a lot of time bitching about that instead of doing something about it. Grrr.

I am SUPER surprised by the rose on the group date. Catherine tells Sean about her crazy past with her dad, Des breaks down about... something. I dunno, I was paying attention to Twitter at the time, but I know she was crying. So as I'm waiting to see which of those 2 he is going to hand the rose to, he gives it to Lindsay. That means that next week on the home town date, he'll be like 2 hrs from where I live right now. Fun!

At this point in the show, I am trying to figure out who will get the home town dates. There are always 4, right? And we have 6 chicks. I'm guessing AshLee, Lindsay (obvi, since she got the rose), Desiree and... probably Lesley. I like Catherine, but she doesn't seem to have the chemistry with Sean that Lesley does. I'm also wondering who the next Bachelorette might be. I can't see them picking any of these 6 girls.

Lesley shows up for her one on one date and Sean admits that he doesn't have as strong of feelings for her as for some of the other girls. It's kind of hard to watch her be all happy and smiley while knowing he's having doubts. She decides that now's the time to tell him she's falling in TEH LUVS, but then she chickens out.

Sean's sister shows up to give him advice, and I immediately kinda like her. Meanwhile, AshLee and Tierra face off, and it makes me like AshLee more. The brilliant moment is when Tiarra says that her parents told her "Tierra, you have a sparkle." They basically named you tiara, girl, of course they're whack. Sean tells his sister he's going to bring Tierra to meet her, and we cut to commercial as he's about to walk into the house where AshLee and Tierra are fighting. I am a little giddy, and I really hope he walks in to see Tierra screeching "I HAVE A SPARKLE! YOU CAN NOT DULL MY SPARKLE OR CONTROL MY EYEBROW", but I'm probably expecting too much.

Oh, of course I was expecting too much. The fight ends moments before Sean arrives, so of course Tierra is curled up crying when he gets there. THIS IS SO LAME. I love the irony that he has shown up to take her to meet his sister for confirmation that she's not insane, and he finds her mid-freak out. I mean, there's an obvious set-up aspect to it, because I just don't buy that Tierra and AshLee would have just been hanging out in the living room together before the fight started if the producers hadn't stuck them there.

There's a SPECTACULAR moment where Sean tells Tierra why he is actually there, and she kinda realizes she may have screwed up. And then he tells her to GTFO. Well, ya know, in a nicer way, but still. Tierra sobs "I CANT BELIEVE THEY DID THIS TO ME" as she gets into the Van of Shame to head to the airport, and it's then that I realize that she either legit believes she's going home because the girls "sabotaged" her, or she's really good at keeping up the act. Of course, a matter of minutes later she has zero tears and is talking about how she still won't let anyone take her sparkle, so I call total BS. If she was genuine in any of this, wouldn't she be having a slightly more introspective ride to the airport? Maybe?

Just before the rose ceremony, Sean tells the remaining 5 girls that Tierra is outta there, and they all surprisingly manage NOT to jump up and do a happy dance, but there are some pretty smug smiles. They skip the cocktail party, so AshLee is freaking out because she is worried Sean will place the blame for the earlier confrontation on her. I'm admittedly shocked when he gives a rose to Catherine- I was pretty sure she would be the other one to go home.

It's down to Lesley (which I just typed as LesLee- UGH) and AshLee for the final rose, and he gives it to AshLee. I feel bad for Lesley, since she wanted to tell Sean she loved him but didn't, and now she's going home. Should have gone for it, girl! In a moment of awkwardness, Catherine breaks down because she thought Lesley had more in common with Sean than she does. I wonder momentarily if she's going to volunteer to leave, but then it cuts to next week's preview, so I guess not.

Next week is hometown dates, and it looks pretty rad. Who do you guys think will be the final 2?

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