Monday, March 11, 2013

Bachelor Finale Recap!

Y'all, I am super excited that tonight is the finale of this season of the Bachelor! No more Monday nights spent watching Super Boring Sean be boring! HOORAY!


This is a pic of Sean, right?

As usual, I'm blogging about this while watching the show, so it's pretty stream of consciousness style.

So, let's set the stage. Our Majestic Host Chris Harrison claims that this will be the most dramatic finale in Bachelor History. Because he says that about EVERYTHING. I'm pretty sure that when he goes to Taco Bell, he orders the most dramatic burrito in fast food history. It's just how he rolls.

We're down to two ladies this evening (Not to be confused with two ladies of the evening. Or maybe yes to be confused with?), Lindsay and Catherine. This should be pretty quick: They all just show up in formal wear, and then Sean is all "I want that one!" Right? ...Right?  Wait, what? This thing is THREE HOURS LONG?  Oh, dear.



Except yeeeeah, we kinda do got time for that, because it's a Monday night, and let's be serious, there's really not anything better to do. So let's carry on!

So, everyone is hangin' in Thailand tonight, and from the preview we know that a) Sean's mom is awesome, b) he gets a dramatic envelope on proposal day. Oooh, ahhh.

LET'S DO THIS THING.

Our Majestic Host Chris B Harrison tells us via live broadcast that there's some kind of breaking news "first time ever" thing going down tonight. My theory? Sean picks Catherine, she sends him the letter to say "LOL NOPE", and after the show is over he starts dating one of the other chicks for realsies, and they're going to announce their happiness. Let's see how wrong I am!

Sean's niece and nephew show up with the family, since you obviously need the opinions of toddlers when picking your forever wife. I do kinda love one kid for giggling "Emily didn't pick you!" at him. Oh, these poor kids are going to grow up thinking that THIS is how one falls in love. I hope Sean has set up a therapy fund for them. (Side note- Sean seems more lovey and glowy around his family than I've seen him around ANY of the women.)

Catherine is up first for the whole Meet the Family thing. Poor girl is obviously nervous. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't want my first meeting with my dude's family to be on TV. I kind of like Catherine's dress... for me. It looks kind of unflattering on her, which is crazy. Sean's dad is adorable with Catherine, and obviously already a huge fan of her.

Lindsay shows up to meet his family, and seems to fit in really well. Sean's dad grills her a little more thoroughly than he did Catherine, but they laugh a lot, too. And omg, this dad is kind of the cutest thing ever.


Basically Sean's dad.

We're now half an hour into this marathon, and Sean is talking to his family about the two chick choices. His mom is giving him the totally sane advice that if you're having trouble choosing between two women, you maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay not be ready to propose to either one. Sean tells her that he wants her opinion, but more than anything he wants her support, which is basically code for "I'm a BIG boy and I can pick for myself!". This makes her cry, because you can tell she's not so on board with supporting right now. Sean is oddly unemotional about making his mom cry.

Sean has one date left with each woman, and Lindsay is first. She is looking pretty adorable, and making me want to wear pink shorts with a grey tank top. They hang out on a raft, and then sit around talking a lot. And then, oh no, we get to that super awkward part that happens every season where the final people give some kind of gift. Lindsay and Sean have big ol' lanterns like they release in that Thai festival every year. (And also Tangled.) This is pretty flippin' cute, especially compared to some of the gifts from past seasons.

It's time for Catherine's date, and it starts with riding an elephant. If I were Lindsay, I'd be pretty pissed. Lindsay gets to sit on a raft, but Catherine gets to ride a frickin' elephant? NOT fair! Afterwards, they're sitting around talking and Catherine says "I'm excited for the future" with the same tone of voice you'd expect her to say "I'm going to pay the water bill", or something equally mundane. I feel like there's a lot in her head that she isn't saying. They talk a lot, but at this point I'm busy entering a giveaway for an automatic litter box, so I've kinda tuned out.

At basically the last second of their date, Catherine tells Sean she loves him. I guess I hadn't realized that she hadn't said it yet. Huh. She then FREAKS out because she couldn't tell what his reaction was.

It's now time for Sean to walk around shirtless for a long time, looking thoughtful. They pause to go to the live finale to ask Leslie, AshLee, Jackie and Sarah what they think. I hope Leslie is in the running to be the a future Bachelorette, because she would be significantly less boring than Sean was!

Lindsay is the first to arrive at Proposal Island (term I just invented) and we all know that's bad news. Of course we get her voiceover about how today is the day she gets engaged as she walks towards certain doom. He tells her that he loves her while he's breaking up with her, which is kind of awful. They should really put a therapist, a bottle of vodka and a dozen cupcakes in the vans that take the women away.

Chris hands over the letter, and it is in fact from Catherine. (Called that part, at least!)  It turns out to be totally boring. "You're great, we're great, blah blah blah." Why all the build-up over that? Sean proposes, she accepts, they ride off into the sunset on an elephant. (I wish I was making that up.)

Two hours down, only the one hour "After the Final Rose" to go!

They start the live show talking about the two final girls, and I'm struck by the idea that when Catherine watches this, she's going to see Sean tell Lindsay that he loves her about 5 minutes before he proposes. Yikes. I'm also wondering... if Catherine hadn't thrown in her last second "I love you" at the end of their last date... would Sean have picked Lindsay instead?

There's now half an hour left and... I am so bored. I AM SO BORED, YOU GUYS. I've said all season how boring Sean is, and I have to admit that I find Catherine kind of boring, too. Please, please let the next season be better?

I think that Super Boring Sean who always says the right thing has made me appreciate the awkawrdness of real life more. We all have those moments where we say the wrong thing or make a joke that's not funny or kiss someone when we shouldn't, but at least those moments are real. When everything someone says sounds scripted, it loses that spark of authenticity. I kind of want to make #AwkwardButReal a whole thing.

The big announcement? They're getting married on TV. UGH. Are they going to televise their future babies shooting out of Catherine's vag, too? Seriously... UGH.

The finale announcement of the night is that Des is the next Bachelorette, which I think we all saw coming a mile away.

That wraps things up!  IT'S OVER! AT LAST! My Monday nights are going to feel weirdly empty for a few weeks. What did you guys think? Did Sean pick the right girl? Are you happy about Des? Tell me what you think!

1 comment:

Celayha Cameron said...

I think that meeting Sean’s parents was a good thing for everyone because they had the same reaction to the women that Sean had: it’s insanely hard to choose which one should be Mrs. Sean Lowe. I think his mom’s reaction to the whole situation was appropriate too because it is a really big decision and he got to this point by the most untraditional way possible. I can totally understand why she wouldn’t want him to rush into things. After watching a clip of both women on their dates in my office at DISH I’m convinced that mom shouldn’t have any worries. Both of them obviously adore him and the only issue now is Sean picking Mrs. Right. I didn’t get to see the final rose ceremony live because I was still at work but I caught up with the show on my train ride home. Thanks to the Hopper and DISH Anywhere I can turn my iPad into a TV anytime, anywhere.